Still Here
by Loren-Mac
Summary: A lovely Riane fic, this I have to admit I quite liked...


Back to my writing page

Still here. 

Ric looked down at the sofa for the last time before resting his head down onto the uncomfortable pillow. If he had any other choice he wouldn't have stayed there, but pride stopped him from asking anyone, even her. It wasn't so much that he couldn't answer her, but more that he was afraid of her answer. Everything had changed between them since they split all those years ago. As much as she had always tried to pretend that she had forgotten those times, he never had, not really. They had been the best years of his life. Once their time together had begun he had never wanted it to end, never wanted each night to end, but as everything has to, it ended each and every time, until they ended. If he could have taken back those moments which lead up to her leaving he would have done, but its not as if he didn't try to stop her, he tried with all his might, she just couldn't take it anymore. 

He pulled the sleeping bag closer to him as he shivered in the chilling evening wind. What he wouldn't have given, now, to have someone's arms to be held in, to have someone so close, to be somewhere safe and warm. Life always has a funny way of turning out though, and he knew he was obviously meant to be where he is now, paying for something he had done. He has always felt, though, that the worst thing he has ever done- the biggest mistake has ever made- was letting go of Diane. But that was all over, the love had gone and was forgotten about and there was no getting it back, maybe it was better that way. 

Just as he felt himself drifting off he heard the clicking of some heels heading down the corridor and his heart began to race. Someone would find him and discover him there; he had more pride than to let anyone find him. A knock sounded at the door followed by a quiet but distinct sob from out in the corridor. 

"Ric, it's me, I know you're in there, there is no use hiding." Diane says loudly, but he can hear a definite crack in her voice, something is wrong. 

He doesn't even bother to pack away his things, his love that he once had for Diane is enough to put his pride after her feelings. He took a deep breath before switching on the light and pulling open the door, with slightly reluctance. 

"Diane, what is it?" he asked, as her eyes dart around the office, taking in everything around her, and he felt his face burning in shame. "I had… err… work to finish early… So I thought I would stay here," he said, hoping that will cover him. 

She looked deep into his eyes and knew that he was not telling the truth, but the truth was up for him to tell her, not for her to pressurise out of him. They both knew that oh too well. She tried not to think about the past, but it's the past that drove her to him, the terrified memories she couldn't keep out of her mind anymore. It hadn't been anything major, but it was something that drove her away from him, and now it had drove her back to him, just because he was the only person who knew about it, the only person she could talk to. 

"Its just… I was thinking about the time when we were together…" she said as Ric shot her a concerned look, that gave the impression of I'm-not-going-through-this again, "not like that, don't look so worried." She joked, although she had no idea why she was joking, inside she was anything but laughing. 

"What about it?" He asked coolly, trying to act as if he had never given a thought about it since it happened, although that is completely the opposite. If he could spend one day of his life completely forgetting that she ever exists, then maybe he would, but only so he can forget the pain that he once endured. 

"All the images of that day keep on coming back to me each time I close my eyes, I can't block them out. I'm scared Ric… there, I finally said it, I'm scared okay?" She whispered, the tears tumbling from her deep blue eyes. 

_I'm so tired of being here.   
Suppressed by all my childhood fears.   
And if you have to leave,   
I wish that you would just leave.   
Cause your presence still lingers here,   
and it won't leave me alone. _

He pulled Diane into his arms and held her close to him, savouring every moment of it, just wishing she could stay in his arms forever. He stroked her hair gently as he remembered doing the same once before, the day that she had come home in floods of tears, just after the night she was attacked. He had hoped and prayed that she would have gotten over it, but it had become obvious that she would never get over it, not truly. 

"It's okay to be afraid you know, but I'm going to help you through it, just like I did before. I'm never giving up on you, I never have and never will." He said, caressing her arm with the deepest of affection. If he had known what had truly happened that night things may have been easier to deal with, but he daren't ask, not in the state she was in. He'd never seen her as vulnerable as he had that day, her eyes were swollen with all the crying and her hair was far from immaculate, but as he looked at her in the present, she looked much the same.

She looked down towards the floor, the pain cutting through her so much that she found it hard to breathe. Feeling his arms around her bring back even more painful memories, the pain she endured when she left him. He had always been there for her, she guessed thats why she went to him when everything came back to her, she could have gone to anyone and told them what happened, but she went to him. 

_These wounds won't seem to heal,   
this pain is just too real,   
there's just too much that time cannot erase._

"Its so hard Ric… I just can't forget it… any of it… I was so scared Ric… and all I wanted was you there… why weren't you there?" She sobbed, letting all her emotion out, all the emotion that she had held back for so long. 

"You know I wanted to be… It was so long ago now Diane, you have to move on." He whispered tenderly. He knew she could move on, but doing it would probably hurt her because she'd have to bring it all up once again, but it had to be better than this. 

"But that look in his eye… I wanted to run Ric… I cried and cried for so long after… I was so scared… so scared." She cried, her heart bleeding once again. Despite that he was always there for her, she couldn't let him help her get over it. She knew that she was probably being stupid bringing it all up again, but to him she did not look stupid, just an afraid woman who he once loved, probably still did. 

_When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears,   
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears.   
I held your hand through all of these years.   
But you still have...   
All of me. _

All of the times she cried through those weeks after he had always been there and he had tried to help, but nothing truly helped her. He had always tried to help her through everything, he wanted everything for her, he just couldn't always deliver it. He knew, even then, that he would love her forever. No matter who had come and gone since her he never forgot her, part of him still loved her. When he proposed to her he really meant it, but too much had happened before to make Diane too afraid to commit to any man, too much had driven a wedge between them. 

Diane looked at him with eyes of the deepest sorrow and compassion and he felt the greatest wave of love for her once again. He didn't know what to say to her, he didn't feel that there was anything that he could say to her, to make it all better again. A long time ago he had thought that he could always sort out her problems, but that day she had proved him wrong. That day she had proved, also, that she was really just as vulnerable as everyone else, and just like everyone else, she needed someone to lean on sometimes. 

_You used to captivate me by your resonating mind,   
now I'm bound by the life you left behind.   
Your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams   
your voice has chased away all the sanity in me.   
These wounds won't seem to heal,   
this pain is just too real,   
there's just too much that time cannot erase. _

Diane cried on his shoulder for many moments before she could even go and sit beside the window, bathing herself in moonlight. Her heart pounded in just the way it had that night, when the fear gripped her so tight that she knew she would never escape it. The pain and the fear never left her, just like she knew it wouldn't, but she always had him to stand by her and help her through it. 

"Diane, if you need to talk just go ahead, if you need to cry then I'm not stopping you, just do something." Ric said, a sympathetic smile spread across his tired face. 

"I don't know what to say," She whispered sitting beside him on the couch, that had been long cleared of his quilt and pillows, "There isn't anything I can say, it just still hurts so much."

"I know, I know, but… I'm here to talk to you if you want to talk… you know" He mumbled, not sure of what to say to her anymore. She nodded and stroked his hand gently with a radiant smile on her face. She knew that she couldn't 'burden' him any longer and so she left, although she had so much more to say. 

_I tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone.   
But though you're still with me,   
I've been alone all along._

She stood in the car park under the stars and closed her startlingly blue eyes to the world around her. Instantly a figure stood before her in her mind, a knife reflected the moonlight onto a nearby rock, he terrified her. She remembered herself screaming so much until his gloved had found its way around her mouth, and that's when her whole life came tumbling down. Everything after that shattered everything she lived for, it made her afraid of everything again. 

She opened her eyes and took a breath of fresh air to bring herself back, it had been so long ago, she didn't need to be afraid anymore. 

Her mind drifted back towards Ric, sitting up in his office, he'd always been there for her, even when she left him, but all the time she had felt so alone. The time when she truly felt alone was that night, no one was there for her then, it was just her and him. Ric wasn't there to save her, no one could have done, it was when she really realised that she could make it through things on her own. 

"It's going to be okay, you know." Ric said, slipping his arms around her, warming her thoroughly. She missed that. 

The tears cascaded down her face, her mascara running along with it, but it no longer mattered. Finally she was allowing herself to be completely helpless in someone else's arms, and letting him help her. 

"Sometimes we fall, but I've held your hand through all of this, and I shall forever continue too, no matter what," he whispered gripping her hand inside his own, "I'm here to help."

"I just pushed you away Ric when you tried to help, I'm so sorry Ric… So sorry…" He pushed a finger to her lips and shook his head. She could never have got rid of him, he was unshakeable. 

_When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears,   
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears.   
I held your hand through all of these years.   
But you still have...   
All of me._

"I'm still here aren't I?" He said as she twisted around to face him, and there lips met in a way they had never intended. It felt good, maybe it didn't feel right but it didn't matter, which helped her more than anything to know that he still loved her.

Back to my writing page


End file.
